I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
