tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
pray to the hookup gods
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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