My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
