Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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