I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm too high and old for this...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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