He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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