im six kinds of drunk right now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
