then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
