It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
