I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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