Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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