in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
