i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
