I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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