Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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