oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
