paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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