dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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