You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to have your abortion
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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