Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
