i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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