there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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