Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
