They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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