Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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