talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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