Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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