talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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