while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
