I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize