Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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