I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
