hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize