I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my being single is dangerous.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
