My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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