Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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