Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
