I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
