at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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