What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Congratulations! We have a period
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