1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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