Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
