If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
