my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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