I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
