How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize