The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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