Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
