Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
