dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
