is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you had me at cake vodka
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Randomize
