do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
