i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
