We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
