Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
