I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
