Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Boobs speak an international language.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
