THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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