He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
