You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
please come you make the beer taste better
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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