I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
