i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Someone shattered a urinal.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
