And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
