I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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