so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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