i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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