dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
